Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
