i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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