Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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