so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
