He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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