Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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