So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I believe in your delicious
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
