I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
