I wish I could teleport
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
love makes seman taste better
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
