even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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