I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
