She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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