her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
