If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
