We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He felt like a one man threesome
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
