i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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