Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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