my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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