ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The uberlube is also flammable
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
