i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
