Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
