I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
