Soap is not a condiment
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize