meet me or not, i'm out of control
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
