you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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