now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
