I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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