He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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