i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
