The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
sex in a hospital.. check
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
