her vagine was all disorganized.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just had sex bonerless
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
