in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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