It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize