dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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