to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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