Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
