I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize