I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
