i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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