this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
