can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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