moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
