I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
