Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you win again, gameday.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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