I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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