My liver just broke up with me...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
