I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
