I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Help. Why am I so naked?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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