i jhust puked up my retainher.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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