Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My dick has a subreddit
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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