Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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