Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
