are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Fuck appropriateness.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
