Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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