...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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