I puked a lego.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
