Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
