All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
