I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
