If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
