bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
