And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize