fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
