IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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