So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
