My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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