Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
