Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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