I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
