you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
