I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
