the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
