is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
